Lawrence Miles explains, critiques and nails Moffat Who…

The Moffat Times-Table

If you don’t know the basics, then you’ll never be able to write a script with mathematical precision. Repeat after me…

ONE

ONE
“Monsieur… what are you doing in my fireplace?”

“Look, I’m in the television!”

“Monsieur… what are you doing in my television?”

TWO

TWO
“Today… nobody dies!”

“Oh, you wonderful, impossible man.”

“Today… nobody dies! Thanks to that wonderful, impossible man.”

THREE

THREE
Contrived love interest.

“You don’t know me, but I’m going to be important in your future.”

“You don’t know me, but I’m going to be a contrived love interest in your future.”

FOUR

FOUR
Inevitable love-interest death.

Timey-wimey paradoxical non-explanation.

Inevitable love-interest death, averted by timey-wimey paradoxical non-explanation.

FIVE

FIVE
“Are you my mummy…? Are you my mummy…? Are you my mummy…?”

Real-world thing likely to make children pretend to be scared.

“Hey, I’ve been eaten by shadows…! Hey, I’ve been eaten by shadows…! Hey, I’ve been eaten by shadows…!”

SIX

SIX
Unexpected super-powers.

Absurd fetishisation of the Doctor.

Imminent godhood.

SEVEN

SEVEN
Sitcom characterisation.

Squee.

One thought on “Lawrence Miles explains, critiques and nails Moffat Who…”

  1. No one ever lost money by aiming too low, eh?

    Luckily today’s audience includes a disturbing minority who think shouting, saying “shut up” in a way that would get you snotted in real life and soap opera is high culture.

    I dunno, maybe it is, for them.

    Like

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